Valentines

When you get married you never really think about what the vows mean. Richer or poorer, in sickness and health. Most of it is just words you're reciting so you can get through the formalities and get to the part about kissing the bride.

In the last few months we've gone through the loss of a grandparent, a much loved sibling heading off to war for the second time, the hospitalization of a parent, a startlingly ill child, minor surgery for the aforementioned child and much worse, the loss of another child.

The pregnancy was a surprise to both of us. Each of us had a moment where we each thought "oh shit", but we both got excited and our apprehension eased upon seeing the heartbeat flickering like a candle on that first ultrasound. Life is a miracle and another child was a blessing that neither of us were going to refuse.

Sadly, at what would have been our ten week mark, we discovered that the little candleflame had stopped flickering.

It is a hard thing to grieve for a child, but even worse I think, to grieve for a child you didn't get to know.

My wife is strong. That's a good part of why I love her.

I don't think it is enough for one person to be strong in a marriage because one person can't be strong all the time. There is an ebb and flow to it, a bit of leaning from one side to the other and supporting each other depending upon which way the wind is blowing.

Sometimes one person is the arm and the other is the shield.

Sometimes laying in bed with her when she is wearing that ratty, old, ugly t-shirt she got from the team-building exercise at her work and smelling her hair as I fall asleep is when I know that everything is going to be alright.